DAY THREE OF THE ALL-TIME ALL-UNIVERSE DRAFT

23.) With the 23rd overall selection in the 2026 ATAU Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select, from Wilbur University, fullback, MISTER ED.

Cowboys fans don’t seem too happy, Ozzie. –Why should they be? Flicka, Seabiscuit, then I’m on board. 

This guy ran a 4.2 forty, Chester! –C’mon, that’s pretty good -

–FOUR HOURS AND TWO MINUTES!!!?

Besides being slow, he really tears up the field and his mouth constantly gets him into trouble. 

Hold on, Ozzie, have you ever talked to the kid? 

Well, no — 

– In fact, has anyone ever heard a peep out of him? 

Only his owner— 

Then blame him for those rumors—and don’t be an “equinist.” 

I only know what I see on television…Let’s get to the next pick…

24.)  The Cleveland Browns, with the 25th pick in the ATAU draft select, free safety, from Mt. Ranier University - SASQUATCH! 

Can’t believe this guy was still on the board Ozzie! 

Not hard to figure Chester.  He didn’t show at the combine and their really isn‘t too much film on the guy, hardly any as a matter of fact.  

Scouts can’t get him to show up for a look see. 

C’mon people can’t stop talking about him, he has to be for real. 

No doubt.  Guy's a huge hitter and we know from the few minutes of film we do have, he doesn’t like to be laughed at--

--Especially if you're holding a bag of beef jerky...

The Monsters and Fiends Conference, (MFC), for some reason produces the most eccentric players for the All -Time team. These guys—Cyclops, Sasquatch, The Boogie Man—they just don’t a show up on a consistent basis – 

-Risk/reward dynamic OZ, these guys’ upsides are tremendous,

Question is, will they maximize their potential and show up every day.   History says they too often don’t…

25.) ...The Chicago Bears select running back JULIUS CAESAR! 

Knives Out, Oz!   Everyone wanted a piece of this guy--and the ‘Boys snatch him!

Caesar has seen and conquered at all levels of play--you can’t take that away from him. 

A natural leader on the field, beating the enemy like they’re teen-aged dicks .  Defenses have a hard time stopping him. 

My big concern, Chester, is how he deals with adversity.  

True...There was that backstabbing incident -- 

26.)  With the 26th pick of the ATAU draft, the Houston Texans select the free safety, DAVEY CROCKETT. 

The Texans take the local kid, Chet!

I just don’t think this is a good fit. 

What do you mean?  It's the perfect fit --

DC has a gigantic ego; he insists any team drafting him has to play that stupid theme song --

“Davey, Davey Crockett, king of the wild frontier...”

Safe bet that won’t supplant the Steelers’ “Renegade” as a go to stadium anthem.

The “last man standing” at the Alamo story was bullshit, Ozzie--and that coonskin cap has to be gamey as hell.  The guy has ego problem that could make his time in Houston a disaster for everybody...

The Dolphins pick is in, Chet...

27.). With the 27th pick the Miami Dolphins select THE SHARK FROM JAWS...

The Dolphins have gone all in Chester!   No opponent is going to visit Hard Rock Stadium after Stephen Ross turns it into an aquarium to accommodate Flipper and the SFJ--

-- It’s a genius move; 8-9 forfeits a year--

-- Now the Dolphins can suck like they always do...

I think your missing Ross’ point, Chet.  He wants to force every other team to do the same when the Dolphins are VISITORS --

My god, you’re right Miami is guaranteed an undefeated season for eternity, unless the competition committee steps in.

I can hear the champagne bottles popping now --

Ugh!  Patriots on the clock...

28.). With the 28th pick the New England Patriots select, out of ID University,  Edge, SIGMUND FREUD... 

Wow, another choice that comes with lots of emotional baggage, Oz? 

--Well, Chet, Siggy does know how to get to the quarterback. Heck, he even gets into the head of the coaching staff---they have to know where he is at all times.

Definitely the type of a player that really changes a team's psychology. 

Think he’ll fit into the Kraft braintrust?

Remains to be seen. I do question whether the “guilt trip” angle will play.  The Pats had no qualms cheating in the Belichick era--they don’t know what shame is.

--And there is that ego problem. At the combine they were saying Siggy has a super ego...

Didn’t miss a question on the Wonderlich Test..

-- He wrote the damn thing, Ozzie.. 

After his interviews, couple GMs were seen coming outta the meeting with tears in their eyes. 

He was that impressive? 

Uh-uh, mother issues...

29.)  With the 29th pick in the ATAU Draft, the Kansas City Chiefs select cornerback, ELVIS PRESLEY. 

I had The King penciled in as a Top Ten pick!  Nobody has the guys hip transition at corner back, he doesn’t touch alcohol, will give you the shirt off his back---he’s a fan favorite.  I just don’t get it, Chester. 

Sources tell me teams weren’t sure exactly who--or which version of The King they would be drafting---the Young Slender Elvis, or the Old Fat Bastard Elvis.  Couple GMs told me the OFB would have to transition to nose tackle and, quite frankly, don’t think his play would rise to the same elite level at that position.

So given the Chiefs already excellent roster, they were willing to take the risk?

Looks that way Oz...

Picking 30th in this year’s ATAU draft, the New York Jets take strong safety, POPEYE THE SAILOR...

Another potential Top Ten pick falls to the end of the round, Chet!  Biggest forearms in history, never gives up, routinely beats up guys twice his size --

-- Not a big fan of his taste in women--Olive Oyl needs to eat--but he loves his vegetables and treats people in need with respect...

Yes hamburgers for Wimpy--admirable...You think the Sea Hag might have turned off some teams?

No more than Alice the Goon.  But those two won’t be on the field, anyway.   From what I hear the major concern is how the league will prevent fans from throwing cans of spinach onto the field...

31.) At number 31 the Tenesee Titans select, from Mount Olympus, College, ZEUS... 

Talk about keeping your friends close and enemies closer, Oz. 

True, Chet, the Titans have not had the best luck with Olympians in the past.  That having been said, you can’t fault the pick.  Zeus has lightning in his arm...

He’s a god amongst gods, Chet; has all the confidence in the world...

Chargers  gonna regret passing on the “Z” Man? 

..Bolts should’ve known, you gotta trade up to get a God—can’t count on them fallin’ to you.

With the final pick of the 2026 ATAU Draft, the Super Bowl Champion, Seattle Seahawks select --

--Hold the phone, guys, the ‘Hawks have just made a blockbuster trade...Seatle acquires SASQUATCH from the Brownies.  Cleveland gets to make this pick and another in round two.  

Who do you think the Browns have their eyes on?  

Hold on, the pick is in....

With the final pick of the 2026 ATAU Draft, the Cleveland Brown select,from POS University, THE POOP EMOJI !

Wow, Ozzie, talk about a perfect fit.  The Browns have stunk so bad for so long, they are making an effort here to embrace who they really are...

With that, we wrap up our three days of coverage on this version of the Human Experience League’s All-Time, All-Universe Draft...

This is Ozzie Hipe with Chester Nutt wishing you well...

Until we meet again, take care of each other--and always make the right choices....