• Gary Porpora

READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL? HELL YEAH!!!!

NFL 2022 WEEK ONE - SEASON OPENER...


I Ain’t Sayin’—I’m Just Sayin’…

Before we dive into the TNF kickoff game, my annoyance meter has been running in the red for most of the year…

I can’t take it anymore…

Let’s begin with some non-sports items just to show I’m more than a handicapper with a pretty face—

Oh, shut up…

Where Have All the Memos Gone?

At what point in very recent history did it become acceptable to allow people to shop at a grocery store or eat at a restaurant while carrying, strolling, or walking their goddamn dogs?

It’s not just canines. Last week, I saw a woman with two cats stuffed into her blouse and, at first, thought she might be the victim of a grotesque form of breast enhancement surgery.

I had to stop myself from asking, “Excuse me, ma’am, are they declawed?”

Last week at Ralphs, some guy in a Big Bang Theory t-shirt had a cockatiel on his shoulder; a lady with a harnessed golden retriever walked by. I fought the urge to bark, “FETCH!!!”—only because I didn’t want to—ahem—ruffle any feathers.

Yet again, someone in the “Acute Cultural Transitions” department forgot to send Gairzo the relevant memo.

It’s been a lifelong issue. Sometime during the mid to late ‘80s people, all at once it seemed, started replacing the colloquial term “man” with the California-derived “dude”…

I wasn't notified in writing or via any electronic means!

I fought that unwelcome change until my friends started smugly reminding me the ‘70s were long gone—“Dude! Get your shit together; nobody says “man” any more…”

I could only hang on for a week or two before succumbing…

WTF is Body Positivity?

I caught a couple Lizzo videos on YouTube…

Full disclosure—I have fought the fat demons most of my life. Probably because my mom conflated my hatred of Brussels sprouts with starving kids in China.

One time, the dear woman about slapped me when I innocently asked—holding an unchewed sprout in my mouth—if mailing the veggie to China could get me out of eating it.

I always wondered if Chinese moms told their children, “If you don’t eat your Bok Choy, there are kids in America who will puke from being force fed Brussels sprouts.”

I’m betting the Chinese kid was just as confused as I was.

Anyway you gotta watch Lizzo, in this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6kJUuNf9dM

My first thought was to condemn Lizzo for glorifying a slow suicide because she can’t admit food is her drug and she is hopelessly addicted. It’s disgusting, she’s disgusting—and she is encouraging children to follow in her obese footsteps!

My follow up thought was how hilarious is this guy for slamming Lizzo’s social and nutritional irresponsibility? I was concerned the vein(s) in his neck would pop…


In the end, though, I figured if Ms. Lizzo can look herself in the mirror and affirm her obesity has fulfilled her as a human woman, then who am I or an overly muscled gym rat to condemn her poor choices, IF those choices aren’t “poor" to her?

This is America. In the immortal words of the British playwright, Joe Orton, “Everyone is entitled to their own delusions.”

As I was patting myself on the back for my tolerance and insight, I ran into this video of Lizzo answering a question while online:

https://www.nme.com/news/music/lizzo-mocks-obesity-comments-my-bank-account-is-so-fat-2896166

The written words don’t do justice to her response…Here’s the Instagram version:


https://www.instagram.com/p/CMGBayTlESb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=embed_video_watch_again

Say all you want about her body, or her perceived irresponsibility—When her music fades out, Lizzo has already done her part for inclusivity, she’s made fools out of those who condemn her, and has set herself up for a very lucrative second act—if she wants to take that stage--when her health compels her to lose the weight she now genuinely embraces…

AND, did you notice she used “man” instead of “dude?”

The woman is brilliant—every damn ounce of her…


I continue my rant on sports related annoyances in my Saturday Week One picks column.

OH YEAH, THE TNF GAME…


Thu, Sept. 8

Bills at Rams (+2.5); Bills -110, Rams -110; 52 GW


GAME OF THE WEEK

Week One, really, the first quarter of any given season, is notoriously difficult to handicap, because there are far too many unanswered questions:

  • Can the Bills maintain their offensive excellence under first-time OC, Kevin Dorsey? Brian Daboll has left a mark wherever he’s coached.

  • Can the world champ Rams repeat with a revamped OL, a QB with a nagging elbow problem, and significant losses to retirement and free agency?

Similar questions hang over nearly every team; an organization’s quality determines how well they are answered.

In this opener, we can’t say enough about Stan Kroenke’s Big Horns and their organization, especially GM, Les Snead and Coach Sean McVay who traded a franchise QB to get the one they believed could help them win a Lombardi—and that wasn’t the only risk they took.

In upstate New York, Bills GM, Brandon Beane, and HC Sean McDermott have done such a good job, they see themselves as the prohibitive favorite to hoist the NFL’s iconic trophy come February.

As do the Sharks in Vegas.


All of the above means this baby will be a close, hard fought game, and there is no way I’m betting against Los Angeles. At home. With points…and Aaron Donald….

...Play the Over..

Rams 29

Bills 27


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